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Francis Ford Coppola surely is one of the biggest names in movie history and I am totally aware of that fact. However, something kept me delaying from watching his masterpieces such as Godfather or Bram Stoker’s Dracula Dracula. So, for a long time, I only knew his great reputation but that’s all about it.
Then Apocalypse Now Redux came one ordinary day in the mail. I didn’t even choose for that. It was my husband but I watched it anyway. I finally understand why Coppola is considered one of the best director of all time.
It started with such a disturbing scene. The half naked Martin Sheen appeared on the screen, seemed drunk and… disturbed. He was very young, but it made sense because this is such an OLD movie. From IMDB, I learned it was made on 1979 (the year I was born), so it was almost 30 years ago!
Sheen played as Captain Benjamin L. Willard. During his “hangover” moment somewhere in Saigon, some armies entered his small room and told him that there was a secret mission to Cambodia waiting for him.
My first reaction was how come army would sent an insane guy to lead a mission that supposed to be dangerous, so secret that if something went wrong it would consider never happened.
Then it became clear. The mission seemed as crazy as Willard himself. In fact, towards the end of the movie that Willard was so normal compare to Colonel Kurtz.
Kurts was THE target of his mission. Willard had to find him then kill him. He learned that there had been previous mission that failed miserably, when the leader of that mission decided to join with Kurtz instead.
With Kurtz files on his hand, Willard (and the audience of course) learned that Kurtz seemed like a perfect soldier with a great track records. What made this guy dangerous? Why he need to be killed? Although the most important fact was what makes he had so many followers now?
Kurtz was played by Marlon Brando. However, don’t expect to see him THAT soon. It will take a while before the audience finally get a chance to see this character.
The trip to find Kurtz are so fascinating. There was scene where Willard met this eccentric photojournalist played brilliantly almost with no flaw by Dennis Hopper, partying with American troops in some based down the river while watching the performance of some Playmate of the year, or the simple conversation between Willard and his crew (one of them played by a very young Laurence Fishburne).
But of course the scene that everyone waited the most is how Willard met Kurtz. The only thing I say that I could see why Coppola choose Brando to played Kurtz. He is one of the most fascinating character ever brought to screen. Charming but cruel at the same time. I personally think he was creepier than Hannibal Lecter.
All I can say is prepare with such a disturbing scene. Soon I learned that one of those scene not made by special effects or with dummies, but it was real. I won’t mention which but it surely why this movie not on PETA’s list of favorite movies. Of course the big question was about Willard’s mission. Will he be able to kill Kurtz? Or instead join forces with him?
I got the same feeling watching this movie as I watched 2001: A Space Odyssey. Perfect movie although you need to have a really fresh mind to be able to enjoy and appreciate such long movies.
Just like “2001″ dared to show off their capability in making such a “High Tech” movies where the technology as not as advance nowadays, so did this one.
I always thought that Saving Private Ryan was the most war detailed war setting movie, but now I have to put this movie along the list, probably even higher consider it was made at 1979.

More to come: Contact, Porco Rosso, Inside Man, Miracle Mile and Memento.

Hello, I am finally back and surprised that my friend Alison has awarded me the award above. I feel so honored.

Even though I am back I won’t be active for a little while at least until I am getting used to my confusing (and often change) work schedule. Yes, I got a job now. It’s probably not as cool as my previous job but it’s pretty exiting since this is my first job ever in US.

I wrote my experience on getting this job on the site called Kompas Komunitas (Koki). You can read it here

I also wrote another funny experience of mine here. Both stories were in Indonesian though (since the site mainly is for Indonesian readers).

The other things that I’ve been doing is taking pictures and upload them on Flickr and you’re very welcome to see it.

I wanna thanks to my readers who are willing to take a little time from their very busy life to come here only to hear me whining or complaining about stuff. I really appreciate it. I’ll return all your comments very soon but now I need to get ready for work ( I still can’t believe that I actually HAVE a job!).

Talk to you later!

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Every places in Indonesia has their own superstitious kind of thing. It’s not surprise because many people really do

believe in such things; Including spirits, ghosts, etc.

Even though I am pretty sure that Manadonese are more reasonable (haha, sure many will get offended with this statement), but yes we still have some people believe in such things too. I, don’t believe in those of course, but I always happy to proclaimed that I am open minded, meaning if someone can show me some actual proofs then I COULD change my mind.

Here are some stuff that comes from the place I was born:

1. Sneezing
If you sneezed, or hear someone does that before you go for a trip, then you should delay or even cancel it. They (the people from that area) believe sneezing is a bad sign, meaning someone who is gonna go somewhere could get into accidents.

2. Butterflies
If a butterfly entered your house meaning someone that you haven’t met in a long time would come to see you or whoever lives in the same house as yours.

3.Itchy Hand
If one of your hand was itchy meaning someone is going to give you some money.

4.Moving Eyes
If one of your eyes blinked for no reason meaning someone is thinking of or missing you.

5.Biting Tongue
If you accidentally biting your tongue meaning that someone talked bad about you behind your back (of course!)

6.Wedding Dream
If you dream about someone you know wearing wedding dress/clothes, it means bad thing are about to happen to that person, that they won’t stay in our world for much longer.

7.Funeral Dream
Even though the dream seemed depressed but it is actually meaning a great thing that someone who died in your dream is gonna have a very long life.

8.Three People in Pictures
Three people shouldn’t take pictures together because it can cause of those died sooner.

9.Rook
If you heard the rook’s screaming meaning someone close to you or live nearby is going to die.

10.Dog’s Digging/Howling
Dog digging in the ground or crying also meaning someone is going to die.

11. Stay At Home Before Wedding
They believe that the angels of death often looking for people who are about to wed. So, many parents/relatives often asked the soon to be bride/groom to stay at home.

12. End of The Year equals Death
It also believed that during Christmas/New Year, it’s easily for people to get killed or died. Never seen such statistic to proof it, though.

13.Lizard on The Wall
It’s common to see small lizards crawling in the wall. The owner of the house shouldn’t get rid of them because it believed that those creature are protecting and making the house stronger.

14.Whistle To Call Wind
Okay, this is the one that works for me. When you are under a very hot sun, try to whistle then soon you can feel the fresh breeze. I tried this several times in front of my husband and our friend and they’re amazed by it

15. Don’t Wasting Too Much Time Picking Your Soulmate
… or you will ended with a very “bad fruit” (that’s how they called the person who might ended up with you).

16.Keep Your Plan To Yourself
… or it will never happen. You shouldn’t tell people your future plan because they believe it will jinx you and you only get the opposite (as for me I usually don’t tell to save me from embarrassment).

17.Don’t Eat at Midnight
Because that’s when the ghosts usually eats and their energy surrounding won’t be good for you.

18. Don’t Nap During Sunset
If you take a nap around noon make sure to wake up before sunset, or they often said the time where the chickens go to sleep. I forgot the real reason, though.

19.Don’t Read During Sunset
Somehow the Chicken’s sleeping time also effects people in other aspect. If you notice that the sun is about to set, better put your book away because it can result to blindness.

There are some more but couldn’t think about it right now. Will glad to know what kind of superstitious you have at your own country/area (*)

I added new category in my site called Look-a-Like. I’ve been doing this thing quite a while and I really enjoy it so I thought why not make a new category?

So, to celebrate it, here are more pictures of between some stars that I think have strong resemblances.

Julia Roberts and Kyra Sedwig

Claire-Aimee Unabia and Angelina Jolie

Tori Amos and Tiffany

Linda Evangelista and Mila Jovovich

Vincent D’onofrio and Mark Ruffalo

Laura San Giacomo and Kathryn Erbe

…and finally

Emily Hirst and Emma Watson

Stas picture taken from here, while Swank picture taken from here

The woman in the left is Stacy Stas, an actress that lately makes many people confused her with Hilary Swank (right), and I think you can why because the resemblance between two actresses are so obvious. Unlike Stas who is still struggling to make it to the top, Swank already achieve pretty successful career, by winning two Oscars for her performance in Boys Don’t Cry and Million Dollar Baby.

You might heard the news that Hilary Swank was supposed to do cameo on Iron Man movie. As a fan, I was so exited with the news but it turned out to be untrue.

“She’s not there. She was never supposed to be. It got into the internet and, you know, especially with MTV. These rumors are starting. There were cameos that WERE real, and we were trying to move [the media] away from the real,” said Avi Arad, former head of Marvel Studios. You can read the full stories here

I assumed the rumor started after the picture below went all over internet.

You can see that the woman on the left looked like Ms. Swank, even me as a fan got fooled by it. It was actually Stacy Stas (*)

Few days ago, I got this email from someone and here what they said :

Congratulations! Your photo has been selected to be on view in the Water: A California Story exhibition at the San Diego Natural History Museum.
The exhibit will open to the public on July 19th, 2008
Preview opening reception for Museum Members & exhibition collaborators (that’s you!):
Friday, July 18, 2008, 6-9 PM
RSVP to rsvp@sdnhm.org or 619.255.0308 by July 2
Selected photos will be presented in a digital slideshow in the gallery.

So, here are the pictures they picked :

They also pick the one that took by my husband.

My husband and me in Tondano.

Somehow I feel more there than in any other places I’ve ever been (or the one I’ve heard on the news) in Indonesia. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure every places has things that makes them special, and since I spent most of my childhood and half of my adult times in Manado (North Sulawesi), so I know what special about this place and here are some reasons why I make that statement above.

1. Religion Tolerance. From my experience, Manado has GREAT religion tolerance. Even though we’re so close with Palu, but we’re so thankful that the terrible events that happened there didn’t occurred in my beloved Manado. There were times we were so worried by all the rumors that wars between religion was gonna happen soon, but then all the religion gathered together instead and working together to prevent those bad things to happen. Muslim will guard the Church during the Christmas service, and vice versa. Also, before the government made it legal to celebrate Imlek, as long as I remember, Manado has always celebrate it from years and years before.

2. Women’s Right. Many years before the Dutch came, before Indonesian was formed, and before we knew about R.A Kartini. Manado (Minahasa) already had women leader in their tribes. Then we have Maria Walanda Maramis, that many Manado believed should be the one that be called as the pioneer instead of R.A Kartini. However, I don’t really have opinion about this matter because I still need to do more research.

3. Democracy. Indonesian had been through the era where democracy isn’t really applied even though we always stated that’s always our country’s foundation. But according to Manado (Minahasa) history, that we already apply that hundred and hundred years ago. Before Indonesian was exist, Minahasa tribes choose their leaders by voting. What made it possible is probably because we never became a part of any Indonesian/ Asian Kingdom. We once part of Holland’s province though but that’s another story.

4. Open Minded. According to the story of my grandparents and some people who lived in Dutch Colonial era. Minahasa people never really experience war with Holland. Minahasa people were always curious and open minded to other culture even to new religion, that’s why they were welcoming and so open minded with the Dutch. They got rewarded by becoming one of the Dutch’s province. Many years later, they even welcome the Muslim who came from Java. They didn’t mind that their women got married and became Muslim. There were places in Tondano (around 40 minutes from Manado) called Kampung Jawa, even though they have Javanese descendant they talked with traditional Tondano’s language, while the young generation of the “pure” Tondanonese couldn’t speak and understand the language anymore.

5. Equal. In Minahasa culture, everyone are equal. Woman and man, rich and poor even master and maid. So, when the master eating lunch/dinner, the maid will eating at the same time, at the same chair and table, eating the same food. They will watch TV together in the living room and the maid will sitting on chair, unless they have very comfy carpet, even the masters will lay down on it too. Most of the time, master and maid will call each other with first names.

6. No Title. Many times you’ll hear the younger sister called her oldest brother with their first names, even sometimes to their uncle/ aunt. They also address others as “You”. Some people might think it’s rude or impolite, but to us it’s a symbol of how close the relationship are, and being an older brother or sister doesn’t mean you have the right to order the youngest around. No seniority. Period. Although, this seemed started to changed, some people started to get offended when the youngest one doesn’t address them to something more respectful.

7. Expressive. Yes, Manado people are more expressive and dare in taking risk. It’s not strange to see the kids voice their opinion or having disagreement with their parents. When they think the parents are wrong, they’ll say it. It’s rare to hear someone decided to not get marry with someone their love just because their parents say no. Although, when the marriage turned into disaster, they often said, “I wish I obey my parents.” We’re also too honest that we might hurt other’s feeling. If they see you wear something that they think doesn’t fit you, they will say that right in front of your face, sometimes even in front of many people.

8. Right equal Left. It’s usually fine when you handling something to us with your left hand. But because now more and more people go around the country and realize that in some part of Indonesia, it is unacceptable when you use your left hand like that, it started to apply in Manado. So, yes to some people now right hand is the “polite” hand.

9. Not Anti America. American and all western people no need to be afraid of travel warning when visit to Manado. Manado people usually welcome American, in fact they’re proudly to state that they love everything about America.They always picture America as the symbol of freedom and they wanted to be like one. When the 9/11 happened, thousands of people gathered and praying for all the victims. So, does it mean they love America probably because they’re Christian? No. For example, when the Tsunami killed many people in Aceh, many of churches in Minahasa held a special prayer for them.

10. Semen Leven. When you living together outside marriage, you don’t have to worry that your “Kepala Desa” or “Pak Lurah” or “Pak RT” will knock on your door and asked you to get marry soon because your act makes your neighbors uncomfortable. People will still gossiping about you, but usually they will getting used to your lifestyle and will start gossiping other people instead and I won’t surprise that you’ll join them.

11. Driver are nicer. Of course I met some A**HOLE driver from public transportation, but most of them are nice. They willing to help you find where you need to go. If you new in town or if you regularly passenger, they don’t mind to take you RIGHT in front of your home. When you’re inside the bus at the terminal and realize that you need a drink, the driver or his “kondektur” will get the drinks (or snacks) for you, with your own money of course and you don’t need to pay them. They won’t asked you to step out the bus in the middle of nowhere without giving your money back. Unlike some driver in Kopaja Jakarta that kicked me out several times and not even giving my money back. AArrrggghh.

Well, that’s all I can think of right now. Of course there are others thing to love, like the ocean, the mountain, the view and ESPECIALLY the food. Also, there are things that I don’t really proud of, but nothing is perfect, right?

So, wanna move and live in Manado instead?

Worth To Watch:

Zodiac

Zodiac is based on a true events about serial killer that lived around San Fransisco Bay Area that later written into book by Robert Graysmith (Jake Gyllenhaal).
When the event occured, Graysmith is working as newspaper cartoonist, loves to solve puzzle which leads him to want to solve the mystery surrounding Zodiac. Paul Avery (Robert Downey, Jr) who is working on the story soon notice that Graysmith not just some “cartoonist”, but there is something behind his innocent look and act. Later both become friends and are so obsessed in finding who’s the man behind Zodiac.
When the police stops the investigation, it doesn’t stop Graysmith’s obsession. He gets married but later the marriage seemed about to fall apart because his life is all about Zodiac, without the knowledge of his wife, he even use his kids to help him solving the mystery. Until his wife thinks that his obsession can cause the family in great danger.
He plans to write a book about it so he asked his old friend, Avery, to help him. Avery, who is used to be a very confident (and probably a little too proud of himself) has changed into alcoholic man and his life is in the mess. Avery decline Graysmith’s offer but that it didn’t stop him. He decided to write it himself.
Another important character in the movie was David Toschi (Mark Ruffallo). His investigation for all these years led him to believe that his former suspect Arthur Leigh Allen was Zodiac. Graysmith believes him and starts looking back to all the investigation that has been done by Toschi before. The Zodiac case also pretty much ruined Toschi’s life. There are times when he got accused of sending fake message from Zodiac.
This movie is directed by David Fincher (Panic Room, Fight Club). With the length for almost three hours, this movie is not the kind you watch when you’re tired or just looking for some light entertainment. This movie makes the audience to think and possibly trying to solve the mystery in their own mind.
Even though this movie is about serial kiler, but I say it’s more to drama than thriller also there is at least one stabbing scene that can make you turn away from the screen. If you’re prepare your self mentally and physically then you can handle this movie and in fact consider as one of the best psychological thriller drama of the year (or last year). I even confident to say that so far this is the Fincher’s best.
All three main actors, Jake Gyllenhaal, Robert Downey Jr and Mark Rufallo are superb. The supported actors aren’t so bad either. It’s great to see Chloe Sevigni on big screen again because after Boys Don’t Cry, I believe that she still has a chance in winning some award, possibly Oscar, although not in this movie, though, since her character here reminds me of Nikki in Big Love, maybe because of the dress she wore.

Devil’s Backbone
After watching The Orphanage and being SO impressed with that I decide to rent Devil’s Backbone. Plus I kept reading some people compare those two movies (three with Pan’s Labyrinth) and even claimed that this is the best of the three.
So, with the high hope that it’s gonna frightening more than The Orphanage, I was disappointed to know that it isn’t horror or scary movie at all.
I would say that it was more to drama with a bit of thriller. Sure it has ghost but I didn’t get the creepiness like I experience with The Orphanage. In fact, I was disappointed that the Ghost reminds me of The Grudge, who more looked funny than scary.
But I decided to put this in the list of something that worth to watch after trying to view it as different genre instead.
The movie set on 1939, during the civil war in Spain. A boy named Carlos (Fernando Tielve) left by his tutor in a orphanage run by headmistress named Carmen (Marisa Paredes) and a Professor Casares. As new kid in the town he felt like he’s not acceptable and even bullied by some. Until one day he offered the challenge to get a water in the middle of the night at the storage’s room.
He met a ghost named Santi who told him that “Many of you will die.” He learned that Santi isn’t run away from the Orphanage but somehow died and possibly being killed there.
What makes this movie is watchable mainly because how interesting the character are. The headmistress Carmen with fake leg and having secret relation with Jacinto who is so much younger than him, the professor who seemed has a special feeling for Carmen, Jacinto of course a handsome young man but being afraid by most of the student and his girlfriend Conchita who is a pretty and very nice young woman. Not too mention the orphan who lived in that orphanage.
Unfortunately, the bad news arrives that they have to move somewhere because the place soon isn’t gonna be save for them to stay especially the children. They have to move away. As I predict (and I am sure most the audience will do), Jacinto is really a bad man. He knows that the orphanage has kept some valuable gold and wants to steal it. He burnt the place and cause some people died. He can’t find the gold unfortunately and the Professor makes sure that Jacinto will never bothered them again.
But Jacinto actually goes somewhere and asking some help from his friend, who are also bad of course, to comeback and take the gold no matter what.
With the professor who is injured so bad and now dying and with Conchita headed to the town herself looking for help, the kids now all alone to defend themselves. This is of course the climax of the movie. Children versus bad guys who are adults. How on earth they can defeat Jacinto and his men? What about what the Ghost said that many of them will die? Well, you can find the answer when you watch the movie, of course.

Just Ummmm:

Away From Her
Another movie that I thought it’s gonna be so great especially that it’s drama and I LOVE this kind of movie. I actually imagine that it will be so touching just like Normal (Jessica Lange, Tom Wilkinson), but again I learned that high expectation mostly ended not as good…
The movie is about some old couple Grant and Fiona Anderson, who doesn’t seemed that old (at least in my opinion). They love cross country skiing and seemed still having as much fun as the other younger couples.
The problem is Fiona (Julie Christie) has started to show the sign of Alzheimer. It started with her putting the pan on the fridge until onetime she goes for skiing and then forgot how to come home. Fortunately, Grant finds him. Fiona later makes decision that it’s time for her to move to nursing home. Grant seemed mind about it but Fiona is insisted.
One of the rule in that nursing home that Grant shouldn’t visit or even contact Fiona for 30 days so she can adjust herself well there. But some nice nurse gives her number so Grant can contact her all the time to ask Fiona’s progress.
But what happen 30 days later is not what Grant really expect. Fiona seemed forget about him and made new best friend with another old man named Aubrey, who is now seemed jealous every time Grant comes by to see Fiona.
Not only that soon Fiona and Aubrey seemed fall in love to each other, don’t even remember that both has their own spouses. But onetime Aubrey’s wife, Marion brought Aubrey back home and leaves Fiona devastated, even the present of her own husband doesn’t help her at all.
The hard time leads Grant to go to Marion’s house and asked her to bring Aubrey’s back to the nursery so his wife can be happy again.
Seemed like a very touching story, but it doesn’t really work on screen at least for me personally. First of all because I have problems with Grant agrees to let Fiona’s goes to the nursery at the first place. First he doesn’t seemed THAT old, still strong, has clear mind and retired. So, he basically has time and strength to take care of her. Also, let say he needed help he can use the money they use for nursing home to probably hire some nurse to take care of Fiona. Also, the way the people who work at the nursery talk to him like he doesn’t has feeling or something is a bit weird to me.
So, all the things that I couldn’t accept in this movie makes me less care about what’s happen with both Grant and Fiona, so I am sorry to say that this movie isn’t really working for me.

The Look Out
I’m getting tired now so I am gonna make it short. This movie is about a young man who got into terrible accident that cause his two friends died and his girlfriend handicapped.
The young man named is Chris Pratt (Joseph Gordon-Levitt). The accident also effects his brain. Basically he has to learn everything all over again. He has to put label on things to make him remember and keeping a notebook to track things that he’s gonna do.
He lives with a roommate who is blind but very passionated in every way named Lewis (Jeff Daniels). Pratt also worked as a janitor in a local bank.
He met a new friend Gary (Matthew Goode) who actually plan to rob the place he worked. Pratt found himself getting more involve in this plan even it mean that he has to breakup his friendship with Lewis who doesn’t trust his “new” friends.
The movie isn’t bad but isn’t that good either. To my taste, it seemed so flat and the character are flat as well (with the exception of Jeff Daniels). So, it seemed to me they are just remembering their lines. Although, the ending of the movie is pretty impressive and I am glad they choose not do make it cliche. That’s what’s great about it I guess.

What to Avoid:

The Flock
First it seemed the movie has everything a movie should have. Great director and great actors. So, in this case, we have Andrew Lau who directed Infernal Affair which later adapted by Scorcese into The Departed. Then we have Richard Guy, a very likable and legendary actor and Claire Danes, who I think one of the most talented actress but haven’t given any more chance by Hollywood these last few years.
So, it seemed perfect. However, when the movie begin, everything started to feel wrong, from beginning to the end. The actors who supposedly are talented seemed to be miss cast, ALL of them. Whet they show their emotion, it seemed over the top and too dramatic. Too many flaw in character or in stories. But most of all on how Claire Danes’s character easily gain her trust back to Richard Gere’s character who is just pointed the gun on HER head in a second. Gere’s character’s frustration sometimes seemed like with no reason at all, or somehow the director can not really translated those well into big screen. The music also horrible, especially when it tried to sound TOO dramatic to a scene that I think doesn’t need such a dramatic sound. It just makes the scene looked stupid.
I won’t even bothered to tell the story about this movie, again it’s just feel so wrong.
The ending is so bad and using the cliche that 70-80’s movies already use like million times before.

White Noise 2
Well, what can you expect from a sequel to a movie who isn’t really THAT great. The worst part is the second movie isn’t even hold the same “aspect” as the first one. It’s already turning into Japanese horror movies kind of style, of course with no creepiness effects at all even though it seemed they tried hard for that but just doesn’t work.
I think that this movie shouldn’t called White Noise at all but fit more with the Final Destination crap, except with no gruesome violence.
My suggestion is just don’t waste your time with this one.

I’ve been delaying sharing my job hunting experience lately although I wrote some about in my Indonesian blog. This was to prevent my future employer finding my blog by accidents.

Anyway, since I’ve been to at least two interview and there isn’t any sign for them to hire me I think it’s save now to write about it, but I still won’t write any names or company.

The first thing I did when I was approved to work in the United States was making resume. For a while I was having a very low self confident to know that I didn’t really have what it takes to have “great” job in US. I couldn’t use my journalism skills because it’s NOTHING without being expert in English. I found it ironic since I was SO proud with that when I was still back in Indonesia.

It’s like Indonesia is the earth and I was Superman and meaning that having English skills plus my Journalism experience are good enough to get things I want. But now I am in US, it’s like back on Krypton where everyone has the same power even better. How can I compete with them?

But after reading my resume, for all of sudden I got this “self confident” boost that I didn’t looked that bad at all. I didn’t even realize that I have lots of experience.

So, with this new confident I started looking for job. I decided to ignore jobs in retail, fast food, restaurant etc. I kept thinking that I HAVE skills to have better jobs. I know I’ve been too proud of myself at the time.

The jobs about fund raising caught my mind. The description said that it’s mostly outdoors and talking with people. Seemed so adventurous and closed enough to my old job. I remember I always wanted a job where I didn’t stuck in a cubicle all day. It seemed that I still want the same thing.

I called the job and got the interview right away at the same day. I went there and impress with how casual the office is. The interview went great until… I mentioned about my Work Permit. The interviewer seemed no nothing about it. He kept saying that he liked me but he wasn’t sure with my work visa, and I kept repeating that it’s not work visa, it’s work permit and those two things are totally different stuff. He promised to give me a call in few days but it didn’t happen.

I wasn’t give up, I still had my confident. This time I won’t mention about my work permit. I assumed that was caused me didn’t get the last job.

Then I got another interview in different fund raising job. While waiting my turn I could hear what they were talking about. I heard the woman who worked there said to a guy who apply the same job as mine,” See you tomorrow.”

Then it was my turn. She only asked one question and then told me that she’ll call in 24 hours. On the way to our car (my husband were waiting outside), I kept thinking what “See you tomorrow” means that she said to other people. Is that mean they get the job and I didn’t? My husband said it could mean that she said those words to her other co workers and not to the people who was applying for the job. It seemed possible.

Well, THAT 24 hours passed and I didn’t hear anything back.

My self confident started getting the affect. I never felt rejection in working world before. Of course I experienced being rejected by people who didn’t want me to interview them, but that was different story. This kind of rejection is new to me.

So, instead of looking for more “adventurous” job, I decided to start looking for entry level position. Then I begin to face the fact even though it was the lowest position but most of the time all my experience weren’t qualified, and I usually didn’t have what they required .

Believe it or not most of them wanted people who know Excels. I was so bad with that and when I was still in Indonesia, I felt like I didn’t really need to know that. Hey, I will just use calculator. But now to realize that I NEED to learn that skill makes me got “stress” head ache. Not only the fact that I have to know how to use that but to think that I might have a job that doing it all day! Suddenly I felt like I would become part or “everyone who hates their job” club.

My dream is always to get a job that makes me wanted to go to every day. Although, I know that most people wanted the same way too.

Another weakness that I have is I am not good at listening and most of the entry level position jobs also required you to calling people. Plus, believe it or not I NEVER operate multi line phone system ever in my life and they also wanted you to have that experience.

The hardest thing is to try lower my ego a bit and decided to consider retail jobs. Guess what, they also wanted you to have experience in cashier, which I don’t, and handling cash. Guess what, I still don’t know how many pennies or nickel to make one dollar. So, it seemed the thing that I can do maybe is cleaning. Of course, my very BIG ego kept reminding me about my experience in the past, or how cool my old job was… and most of all I felt totally guilty for putting myself “too good” for that job while many people are doing that so they can live. What kind of person I am to put myself higher than another human being?

I kept thinking that millions people all over the world DREAMS to be me right now, to have work permit and soon maybe gonna get permanent resident status. I knew if they read this they’ll probably like hit me in the head so I can open my eyes.

But is that wrong to have something more? It’s not like I did is just having dream for all my life. I worked and study hard for that. Is that wrong to envy people who you know have the same background and experience with you and has achieved their goals?

Despite all that, I’ve decided not to set standard too high for myself anymore. I finally apply for part time job where I don’t have to deal with calling people, excel, register machine or handling cash. It’s in the mall and it doesn’t pay much. It seemed fun and it’s better than just whining all day. Of course it’s great to finally make your own money. And yes, if I wanted to have better job and life, I need to start somewhere, right?

And if I don’t get the last job I apply, there’s pretzel jobs in the ad I’ve seen. It said that you don’t need to have experience, they will teach you how to do that.

Does it mean I have lost all my ego? No, I still have that and still don’t know how to deal with that(*)

Kristin Davis as Charlotte

You scored 40% Charlotte
A romantic at heart, you chose the answers that demure Charlotte may have chosen. Strongly influenced by the intuitive, profound and sometimes naïve Water Signs — Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces — you’re like a mother, a mystery and a poet all in one. Though on the surface you may seem innocent and all about seeking the good in people, beneath the surface, you hide secret yearnings for intimacy, for attachment and ideal love. You’re seeking a knight in shining armor, a soul mate, someone who will complete you and tether you to the earth when you get carried away with your fantasies. You’re super-sensitive, soaking up the moods of others; you emote freely, crying at commercials and sappy movies. You also provide a shoulder to cry on and open arms for hugs. Be careful that you’re not so wide-eyed and trusting that you get taken in by some cunning wolf in sheep’s clothing.

You scored 30% Miranda
You chose many of the same answers that Earth Sign-like Miranda, the cynical but pragmatic lawyer, might have chosen. Just like Miranda’s had a tough time deciding whether to give in to the affections of Steve the Bartender, you don’t give your heart up to just anyone. Miranda shies away from a relationship with Steve because he’s ‘just’ a bartender, not something more conventionally ambitious or stable. Those with powerful Earth Sign qualities — characteristics associated with Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn — are cautious in love and seek stability and status over nearly anything else. Earth Signs provide a steady, realistic attitude and they can bring order out of chaos. A little-known Earth Sign fact: Incredibly sensual, you seethe beneath that smart, expensive business suit of yours, yearning for intimacy but hesitant to give up your material needs, your career ambitions or your responsibilities for a passionate moment that might not turn out the way you’d hope.

You scored 20% Carrie
Your answers peg you as a Carrie-type, much influenced by the Air Sign qualities associated with Gemini, Libra and Aquarius. Like confident Carrie, a sex columnist, you’re curious and perceptive, always seeking answers and never satisfied with the superficial. An Air Sign influence can lead to indecision and an avoidance of tough issues, like with Carrie and her on-again, off-again attachment to Mr. Big. Forward-thinking, incredibly intelligent and witty, you just exude quirky charm. You’d be utterly bored by someone who’s just a pretty face or hot body — though you don’t mind looking and flirting! You’re more turned on by an equally smart and funny mate, someone who challenges your mind and makes you laugh. You love to talk, so you need a good listener who’s open to playful and eccentric ideas about love and lovemaking.

You scored 10% Samantha
You identify with Samantha’s bold and liberated Fire Sign qualities, characteristics associated with the Signs of Aries, Leo and Sagittarius. You’re strong, audacious and larger than life — and you take what you want! Sometimes you can even be thoughtless and selfish, as you get so caught up in craving immediate gratification and excitement that you overlook someone’s feelings. Your personal style likely reflects your desires: sleek, low-cut, revealing just a bit more than might be considered acceptable. Watch that you’re not coming on too strong, though. You could scare potential suitors off with all your drama. If you seek so much attention, the more basic qualities of the Fire Signs could be burned right out of the picture. Show less skin or cleavage and more of your creativity, your vibrant leadership skills and courageous generosity!

Surprise! Surprise! I never thought that my result would closer to Charlotte but I know I would never score as Samantha.

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