I’ve been delaying sharing my job hunting experience lately although I wrote some about in my Indonesian blog. This was to prevent my future employer finding my blog by accidents.

Anyway, since I’ve been to at least two interview and there isn’t any sign for them to hire me I think it’s save now to write about it, but I still won’t write any names or company.

The first thing I did when I was approved to work in the United States was making resume. For a while I was having a very low self confident to know that I didn’t really have what it takes to have “great” job in US. I couldn’t use my journalism skills because it’s NOTHING without being expert in English. I found it ironic since I was SO proud with that when I was still back in Indonesia.

It’s like Indonesia is the earth and I was Superman and meaning that having English skills plus my Journalism experience are good enough to get things I want. But now I am in US, it’s like back on Krypton where everyone has the same power even better. How can I compete with them?

But after reading my resume, for all of sudden I got this “self confident” boost that I didn’t looked that bad at all. I didn’t even realize that I have lots of experience.

So, with this new confident I started looking for job. I decided to ignore jobs in retail, fast food, restaurant etc. I kept thinking that I HAVE skills to have better jobs. I know I’ve been too proud of myself at the time.

The jobs about fund raising caught my mind. The description said that it’s mostly outdoors and talking with people. Seemed so adventurous and closed enough to my old job. I remember I always wanted a job where I didn’t stuck in a cubicle all day. It seemed that I still want the same thing.

I called the job and got the interview right away at the same day. I went there and impress with how casual the office is. The interview went great until… I mentioned about my Work Permit. The interviewer seemed no nothing about it. He kept saying that he liked me but he wasn’t sure with my work visa, and I kept repeating that it’s not work visa, it’s work permit and those two things are totally different stuff. He promised to give me a call in few days but it didn’t happen.

I wasn’t give up, I still had my confident. This time I won’t mention about my work permit. I assumed that was caused me didn’t get the last job.

Then I got another interview in different fund raising job. While waiting my turn I could hear what they were talking about. I heard the woman who worked there said to a guy who apply the same job as mine,” See you tomorrow.”

Then it was my turn. She only asked one question and then told me that she’ll call in 24 hours. On the way to our car (my husband were waiting outside), I kept thinking what “See you tomorrow” means that she said to other people. Is that mean they get the job and I didn’t? My husband said it could mean that she said those words to her other co workers and not to the people who was applying for the job. It seemed possible.

Well, THAT 24 hours passed and I didn’t hear anything back.

My self confident started getting the affect. I never felt rejection in working world before. Of course I experienced being rejected by people who didn’t want me to interview them, but that was different story. This kind of rejection is new to me.

So, instead of looking for more “adventurous” job, I decided to start looking for entry level position. Then I begin to face the fact even though it was the lowest position but most of the time all my experience weren’t qualified, and I usually didn’t have what they required .

Believe it or not most of them wanted people who know Excels. I was so bad with that and when I was still in Indonesia, I felt like I didn’t really need to know that. Hey, I will just use calculator. But now to realize that I NEED to learn that skill makes me got “stress” head ache. Not only the fact that I have to know how to use that but to think that I might have a job that doing it all day! Suddenly I felt like I would become part or “everyone who hates their job” club.

My dream is always to get a job that makes me wanted to go to every day. Although, I know that most people wanted the same way too.

Another weakness that I have is I am not good at listening and most of the entry level position jobs also required you to calling people. Plus, believe it or not I NEVER operate multi line phone system ever in my life and they also wanted you to have that experience.

The hardest thing is to try lower my ego a bit and decided to consider retail jobs. Guess what, they also wanted you to have experience in cashier, which I don’t, and handling cash. Guess what, I still don’t know how many pennies or nickel to make one dollar. So, it seemed the thing that I can do maybe is cleaning. Of course, my very BIG ego kept reminding me about my experience in the past, or how cool my old job was… and most of all I felt totally guilty for putting myself “too good” for that job while many people are doing that so they can live. What kind of person I am to put myself higher than another human being?

I kept thinking that millions people all over the world DREAMS to be me right now, to have work permit and soon maybe gonna get permanent resident status. I knew if they read this they’ll probably like hit me in the head so I can open my eyes.

But is that wrong to have something more? It’s not like I did is just having dream for all my life. I worked and study hard for that. Is that wrong to envy people who you know have the same background and experience with you and has achieved their goals?

Despite all that, I’ve decided not to set standard too high for myself anymore. I finally apply for part time job where I don’t have to deal with calling people, excel, register machine or handling cash. It’s in the mall and it doesn’t pay much. It seemed fun and it’s better than just whining all day. Of course it’s great to finally make your own money. And yes, if I wanted to have better job and life, I need to start somewhere, right?

And if I don’t get the last job I apply, there’s pretzel jobs in the ad I’ve seen. It said that you don’t need to have experience, they will teach you how to do that.

Does it mean I have lost all my ego? No, I still have that and still don’t know how to deal with that(*)